Heya. People've stopped dropping by my blog. Not even to pay their last respects. Thus I have come to resuscitate it.

I've been longing to blog lotsa times. Time's never been my friend. But the friendly external pressure from all you people have finally induced me to steal from the Guardian of Time.

My fingers itched for the keyboard every time stuff and events take place. I'm gonna try and recall the happenings of the past ONE MONTH. Wow, it's been long. Forgive my tired old brain if indeed I miss out on anything worth mentioning. Let's see now.

I crashed JC1 Orientation on the last day. Watched the Il Divo Concert. Handled JC1 Choir Auditions. And the new ones have come and joined us already. Made the Choir Japan Trip presentation to all the J2s. Went out with Hikari for a long chat. Went to the podiatrist. Learned SYF songs. Had my Organic Chem test. Grasped new concepts, academic-wise. And my, is the new content trying. Went for Vocal Consort Choir Concert. Helped organise and implement J1 Choir Orientation. Hugged people. Ate lotsa Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Got "locked in" in school. Signed up to donate blood. Got a nasty cold. Saw XP at Pheonix Station. Many other things here and there. But that's about it. Moving on.

Guess it's no surprise to anyone. Exhaustion and stress (should I call it that?) have intruded into my personal living space. What's changed from last year? I just don't get it.

I've been dangling precariously on the brink of a hazardous precipice; below, a black bottomless abyss waiting to devour me every time my fingers threaten to lose their grip. I wish everything could just fit in, like clockwork.

Why is everything so difficult? I'm afraid I can't handle it anymore. I'm stretched thin. My physical and emotional being have been suffering. Some have seen it. Others probably not. I dare not delve into specifics.

I get struck by periodic bouts of inadequacy and despair. It's just not fair. Why? Why does everything have to crop up all at once? When everything seems alright again, something comes up and threatens to burst open my healing wounds.

I've tried to be strong. I've tried. It's just too difficult. I fear I'm literally at the end of my rope. Quite a different feeling from last year's exhaustion. The emotions are more intense, increasing the difficulty of keeping my wounded feelings at bay. I can't help crying out at the searing pain. A single word or action is enough to open the floodgates.

Can't the others sense it? Am I all alone here? I think they do, but they just don't feel it with the same gravity I feel. They do care. But somehow I feel I'm the only one who thinks about such things. Do I think too much? Is it my fault I'm suffering so?

I've been trying to get to the underlying reason. I try to rid myself of this feeling, but to no avail. I just don't know what's wrong. I can't place my finger on it. I'm not capable of dealing with everything. I don't know where to start. It's not my fault I'm in this mess. And it's certainly not fair I end up carrying this huge burden.

When will the problems go away? I long for a day when there isn't a single problem in the world.

Know what sleep and books have in common? They provide a temporary escape from the cares of this world. One is momentarily transported to another world. A whole new dimension. Be it transitory, the short moment I hover over the Utopian world where reality is blurred is enough to keep me happy for a time. That's why I love them so.

A while ago I seriously considered going to school with a paper with big bold lettering stuck on my forehead. It would read: NORMAL. And I wouldn't care what people would think of me. I'd live up to the label on my head and be a normal person for the rest of the day. I can only imagine how much easier my life would be. Normal, not in the sense that I think I'm abnormal. Normal. Just like other people. No special expectations or responsibilities just because I'm Karissa. That would be just great. But that would obviously never happen.

I keep thinking and praying and reflecting. I've been doing it a lot recently. People misread my reflective mood as sadness and wistfulness. I guess to a certain extent they're right.

In the midst of such things, I'm blessed to have a sovereign Lord. He understands me and will never give me more than I can take. It's nice to know I always have a Friend watching my back. I just need to pray and trust. Keep me in your prayers, yeah? I'll be needing them.



Faith is the substance of all things hoped for; the evidence of things unseen. -Hebrews 11:1