The comp was free of Natalie's monopolising paws. Naturally, I seized the opportunity. At *squints to check clock* 3:10 am. *shakes head*

Last time I blogged was at the beginning of CNY. Now, it's coming to an end. I'm gonna continue where I left off and start with Feb 20.

The Tuesday before school started Natalie and I went to Gerald's house after he and Michael persuaded us to go. So we did. But not before Mike gobbled up all the bak kwa. I was disappointed, but he was nice and gave me some two days after school reopened. (: 'Twas quite uneventful at Gerald's place. Watched the ending of Anaconda and the whole of The Mummy Returns while the others played on the comp. But then we played SLAPJACK! Oh joy! And Natalie kept screaming. O_o

When school reopened it was a Wednesday. I just love Wednesdays. Chem and Math are the only subjects for the day; with a 2 hour break in the middle. Then Choir. Anyways, Ms Ong didn't turn up for Choir so Sops and Tenors combined while the lower voices combined.

The next day was the day before Pei zhen's birthday so Karen and I headed down to Lot 1 to get her stuff on behalf of the entire ExCo. Which reminds me. Guys, I think it's time to start collecting your debts. I'm running low on cash here people.. Back to the topic. Karen brought the stuff back home to wrap and I made my trademark card that all the ExCos to signed the next day.

After, the two of us ate at a new food place (name's slipped my memory) at the basement. The place where BreadTalk once stood. Anyway the food was good. Karen loves it there. So here I am now, advertising it on my blog. This is for you Karen! (: And she suggested we have our future meetings or after-Choir dinners there.

I had to rush back to school for vocal training at 5. At least I had thought it was at 5, as Karen had said. But much to my dismay it was at 4. And all because I had forgotten to bring my phone to school yet again, so I was unable to contact my SLs. I felt extremely guilty, especially after I had stayed a while more with Karen to eat.

Then Melody, Si yuan and I volunteered to return the keyboard. And we joked around with the built-in song, Everything I Do. And LT3 was occupied. So they heard the song blaring while we carried the keyboards. Lol.

Friday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEI ZHEN! During Choir, combined prac for Song Without Words II went awry. It was just plain bad. Not wishing for us to continue, Ms Ong spent the rest of the time dwelling on 4 bars. Yes, 4 bars for 2.5 hours. Now this required lotsa concentration and focus. So we were made to keep our eyes closed and sing do-di-mi-so and do-re-mi-so the whole while. Talk about intense. Personally it worked really well for me. And improvement was seen on the whole.

As has become the norm, I arrived home late after Choir (and a meeting) exhausted. As usual, I turned in early and woke up real late the next day. Got up at around 1:30 pm. And I missed the 11-11:30 timing to take the IEEE Quiz. Kai yih sent me a message about the time, but I was too busy sleeping. Haha. Oh well.

Sunday. After church, I went with Natalie and Anglia to Vivo. Ate at Carl's Junior. Then got doughnuts. Then we ate at Ben & Jerry's! Wonder why they don't sell all the flavours they have in tubs? Sad.

Next day I had sectionals after school. Was surprised to find out that the Tenors and Basses were gonna have theirs too. And we were to have them all in the same place at almost the same time. Funny. But all was settled. I hung around with my juniors, Bernard and Nathanael, in the Concourse and did my work before heading to meet our respective SLs. Then after sectionals, Azu and I stayed a while and played around in the Canteen with the keyboard.

Tuesday. Got our Physics Tests back. And I didn't do as badly as expected. In fact I got second highest in class. Well, that's one test I hadn't scored badly in this year.

I haven't really gotten used to the quickened pace of JC2 life. It's as if the stallion we've ridden at a cantering pace last year was suddenly given a hard slap on its behind. I wish it were as easy as pulling hard on the reigns and yelling, "Whoa, education system! Whoa, boy!" Sigh.

Back to the topic, we got a happy surprise: our normally physical training PE on Tuesday became Badminton! Boy did our class cheer. It made my day. Really.

Wednesday. Got back our Chem test. Wasn't good. My first bad Chem test. Disappointing. For Math we had a "surprise" test. "Surprise" since our teacher never really tells us we're having one beforehand. But "surprise" 'coz we were somewhat expecting it, from friends, etc. It was much better than the first one though. :D

Had Choir then vocal training after. We were made to sing in groups of four (2 A1s, 2 A2s) for Tsubasa and were given individual comments by Amy. And I always don't have enough breath for a certain part! Must take in more oxygen..

The next day we got our GP essay tests back. And I did badly. Much lower than I expected. I honestly thought this was one of my better essays. You could imagine my disappointment. And my language got a 9/20! Isn't that just horrible? And my teacher said I shouldn't ramble too much 'coz it wastes time- time which I could have spent writing down more points. As such, my content was limited. But the thing is, there were no other points! She clearly wasn't satisfied with my, what, 6, 7 points! I was really really really saddened. ):

I miss writing those narratives that we had in Secondary. My works were brimming with rich, descriptive words that added colour to every sentence. Well, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. Just a bit. But when one's strength lies in adjectives and not persuasive words, how can one live up to the education system's General Paper requirements? I guess the reader of my "argumentative" essays can sense the rather apathetic approach I have when it comes to writing essays.

Then of course my post boils down to Friday. A day of happenings. It started with PE. We had Badminton again and Melvin and I won overall for our class doubles. Well, what can you expect when you're teamed with a really good player?

Then for Assembly- surprise, surprise! There was a group of 6 guys from the SAF Vocal Ensemble and they performed acapella songs for us. It was so nice and refreshing to just sit back and hear good music. Made me long to be a part of a small group of steady singers like them. That would be so cool!

After, our class had a combined extra lesson with S22 again- while the rest of the school was dismissed and given 2 hours' worth of leisure time before the release of A level results at 2 pm. Sad.

Then we had our lunch. And we discovered something from Canteen stall #7. I don't wish to divulge any more information than that already inferred that may cause undue damage to some. Hence I shall leave you up to your imaginations to determine of what I am writing of.

At the appointed time we headed to the Hall to witness our seniors' collection of their results. PJC batch of 2006 did our school proud by garnering the best results compared to all its predecessors'. Everyone was elated. As expected, those who achieved stellar results were blessed with the honour of having their names flashed on the screen.

In the midst of all the cheers and conratulations, a picture of the future exactly one year later began to take form in my mind. Then I was filled with a sudden sense of- I know not how to describe it. Fear, hope, dread, expectation, motivation- all rolled into one. Plus a slew of other emotions too abstract to put into words. I got the feeling that if , in exactly one year, I don't see my name flashed up there, then.. I'd be too distraught for words. I was struck with the notion of the high expectations I place on myself. And it scared me. It scared me.

As much as I wish to believe the notion that a single piece of paper (in this case our A level results slip) does not define who we are, I cannot help but think otherwise. I know one's true self-worth cannot be determined by mere labels or documented accomplishments. There is of course much more to people than what is to be taken at face value. But, come on, we all know that this idealistic concept is not at all highlighted as much as a murderer's sin is condoned. As much as we wish to embrace this sweetened theory, the ugly truth still remains. Our society continues to force the fact that "branded people are successful people" down our throats.

I can't properly explain my conflicting emotions. On the one hand, I am confident my performance will not be scrutinised by those closest to me. It won't really matter to them whether or not I deliver. I'd still be loved. Especially by Him. His love would never waiver for a moment. However, there's also this feeling that I'd be letting everyone down- everyone including myself- if I don't perform up to standard. I'd feel like I'd be shortchanging myself. It would be difficult to live knowing I could have done better.

As I congratulated Jun jie, my ex-VP Choir senior (who, btw, is my new role model [AAA!]) and followed the steady stream of JC2s exiting the Hall, thoughts drifted in and out of my mind. Silent resolutions were formed. Half-formed, rather. Even at present, I'm still quite reluctant to give my all. A lot of sacrifice is involved. A lot.

Back in our CT classes, my classmates got back their MT results. Kai yih got an A! I so believed in her. And my spoken confidences during the hours leading up to the important moment did not really serve to allay her disturbed emotions. But in the end she had to admit I was right! Haha. Jie ying didn't do so badly either, and Lalita got her A as well. I was truly happy for my friends. The same can't be said for my other pals though. And I do feel for them.

The intensity with which the emotions churned within me was increased when Mr Tham declared, as another sign of his far-off-the-ground expectations of me, that he anticipated my name on the screen next year. It only served to overwhelm me and I very much wanted at that moment to hide in a corner and cry my guts out.

But I didn't.

Enough of this emoting. Now I'm back to the happenings. A little while after, the Altos had sectionals before Choir and we learned Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. And went thru other songs. Then we had Choir and yet again we were made to close our eyes to concentrate on listening to each other. And we sounded so nice when we sang Tsubasa. I only wish we could keep our eyes closed during our SYF performance. That would be just perfect.

Saturday. Went to Suntec Convention Centre for the Education and Career fair with the family. Then we ate in Marina Square. There was an Armed Forces Exhibition. And guess what? The same singing group that graced our school with their great talent was there performing! So cool.

Oh we visited this bookstore. And I bought Crayola Twistables Slick Stix. They're the jibz! If you're curious to know what makes them so cool then ask me in school and I can show you my green one.

On this happy, colourful note I shall now end.